Divorcees, Are You Ready to Date?

Wednesday, May 26, 2010
By Sara Moore
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If you’re divorced and thinking about dating again, find out whether or not you’re ready. Tonja Evetts Weimer, a relationship expert and author of the new book Thriving After Divorce: Transforming Your Life When A Relationship Ends has identified the top 10 questions to ask yourself in this quiz. See how you do.

Directions:
Score 1-10 (1 is low; 10 is high) for each question. Add up the total at the end and get your results.

Start your quiz by saying the following:
I’ll know when I’m ready to date and meet interesting people that I may want to consider for a future long-term relationship when:

1. I have a network of support
I have friends and family members who love me and support my endeavors. I talk to them often and see them on a regular basis. If I ever have a major problem (sickness, accident, or crisis) I know whom to call.

2. I have cleaned up my past relationships
I have let go of old relationships that are over (better known as “baggage”). They no longer haunt my life. I don’t call my Ex “to see how she is doing.” I have completed my divorce, or said goodbye to the old lover, made peace with my parents, and brought dignified closure to relationships that no longer serve me.

3. I have a career future
I am engaged in a job, studies, or realistic plans that contribute to my career future. I can take care of myself financially, or am well on my way toward that goal.

4. I am open to healthy new adventures
Since dating life is a big adventure, I am open to what lies in store for me. I am brave enough to get out socially and make an effort to talk to people and be friendly. I tell friends and family that I would like to meet someone. I am clear about what is okay with me and what is not, and I am ready to consider new activities.

5. I contribute positively to someone’s life
I do something nice for someone at least once a day. I make an effort to help an elderly person in my neighborhood or I volunteer my services a few hours a week to a charitable organization.

6. I am healthy in mind, body, and spirit
I keep my doctor’s and dentist’s appointments. I am addiction free, have a weekly exercise routine, watch what I eat, and am generally upbeat about life. I am not afraid to say I need help if I am struggling in any of those areas.

7. I am loyal and trustworthy
I am wise enough to know not to gossip about people behind their backs. I am known to keep my word and handle my agreements. I do not say one thing and do another. My friends, neighbors, and family members know that they can count on me.

8. I am responsible with my finances
I am good at budgeting and living within my income, whatever it is. If I am struggling with money problems, I get financial counseling and emotional support. If I am not happy with the amount of money I make, I am good at figuring out how to create what I need by either cutting back on expenses or finding ways to earn more income.

9. I have a strong single life
I am not looking for someone to make my miserable life happy. I have people, activities, hobbies, and work that I love. I wouldn’t mind sharing my life with someone wonderful, but I am complete on my own.

10. I know what I want
I have learned from past relationships and experiences that I have some very definite requirements in order for my life to be happy. If I compromise those requirements, I will not be the person I want to be. I know what my values, requirements, and needs are for my life.

Results:

If you score above 80, you are ready to date with ease.

If you score between 80 and 50, you need to take dating slowly while you work on your life.

If you score below 50, give yourself a break from dating and focus on one category you can improve. When you grow strong in one area, several others will improve at the same time.

The lowest rated areas are the ones you need to work on. While you work on your challenging areas, take a look at your strengths and celebrate them. These are the strengths you take to your dating life.


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