Thursday, June 30, 2011
By Sara Moore
It may be wedding season, but there are plenty of couples splitting up as well. Divorce coach Lee Block has some tips on how to deal with the stress of the dissolution of your marriage so you can move forward.
Step 1: Admit that you have hit rock bottom
You have tried everything possible to make your marriage work but there’s nothing more that can be done. You have to admit that you have hit rock bottom and are ready to move on. This decision affects both you, your spouse, and your children if you have any. “You are making a decision to start fresh with a blank slate. It is scary and takes more courage than you possibly knew you had,” Block says.
Step 2: Take responsibility for your part in ending the marriage
It takes two to make it work or fail. “I realize that some people were cheated on or abused, and of course, those do not fall into this category, but in general, when the love dies, you are both to blame,” Block says. Taking responsibility provides growth and empowerment and more importantly forgiving yourself and healing.
Step 3: Be prepared to be single or a single parent
“If you arenít ready for the realities of being single or a single parent, then you probably arenít ready for a divorce,” Block says. You will have to be hands on and be present 24/7, whether it’s for yourself or your kids. It’s a good idea to make a schedule and a budget to keep everything straight. Take the time to decompress and have ‘me’ time every single day to help maintain your sanity and your center.
Step 4: Count your blessings
Divorce can make you lose sight of what is really important so remember to be grateful for what you already have including your children, family and friends, home, food, good health, and even your pet if you have one. “Be grateful that although your life is not perfect post divorce, it is probably better than it was while you were married,” Block says. Count your blessings every day and you’ll see just how much better every day will be.
Step 5: Set goals and visions for your future
Before you married, you had your own goals, but then that changed after saying ‘I do’ and you naturally adopted your spouseís wants and needs putting your ambitions aside. Now that you single again, make a list and a promise to yourself to reach these goals. “Make a vision board or write down your vision for your future in 6 months, one year, five years and ten year increments,” Block says. “Envision what it will be like when your children are grown. The vision board is an ongoing process and read it often to see if you have reached some of the visions you wanted for yourself and your life.”