Choosing Me Before We

Wednesday, February 11, 2009
By Abbey Khan

There’s nothing wrong with choosing yourself in a relationship. In fact that’s exactly what you should do! Author and life coach Christine Arylo feels having a positive relationship with yourself is so important that she has written the new book Choosing Me Before We to put women on the right path. Arylo breaks it down for us on how to choose ME before WE with 3 principles:


Live from the Inside Out
Know what you want from life, regardless of what anyone else wants or says.
Your life has to be about your dreams, passions and gifts first.
Only choose partners who help you achieve your goals and who inspire you to be your best you.
You’ve got to know who you are and live from that centered place all the time.
Without self-awareness, you’ll mold to fit your partner or your relationship, and no matter what you may tell yourself, you won’t be happy.
This is your life. Live it the way you want and find a partner who’s up for the ride.

Know What and Who You Want in A Partner and Why
Why do I want a relationship, as in how does it make my life better?
What kind of relationship do I really want at this time?
Who is the person I want to be in a relationship with, regardless of who my mate is today?


Take A Fixing Fast
It’s not your job to fix anyone but yourself.
If you find yourself constantly trying to improve your partner or you’re always harping on him about his flaws, get a mirror and start looking at yourself.
Focus on who you want to be first.
We attract the men we want based on who we choose to be. If you want to improve your odds of a happy relationship, create a healthy ME that will attract a healthy HE.

Don’t Fall in Love with His Potential, Fall in Love with Him
Don’t stay with a guy because you can ‘see his great potential,’ even though he isn’t realizing that potential today.
You’ve got to love the person he is today, and support the person he wants to become, not the guy you think he can be.
If he wants to ‘realize his fullest potential’ it will be up to him. You can inspire him by being your best self, you cannot be the driving force of his life.

Get Over The Love Trap
Contrary to popular believe, love isn’t enough to create a great relationship, it’s just the ante.
Women who think, “But I love him, I should stay and make this relationship work,” create unhappy, co-dependent, and unhealthy relationships for themselves.
If you love him, you will always love him. We don’t fall out of love, we fall out of respect, intimacy, and trust.
If you want a fantastic and fulfilling relationship, set the goal of creating an “authentic partnership,” which is a dynamic, life-affirming connection based on intimacy, respect, trust, truth, unconditional love and friendship.


Be Your Own B.F.F.
Don’t stay in relationships because you are afraid of being alone.
When you are your own best friend, you realize it’s a lot lonelier in an unhappy relationship than being single.
As your own B.F.F. you love hanging out with you. Going to dinner alone, taking a weekend trip solo, or staying in on Valentine’s Day with yourself is no big deal, in fact it’s a treat, because you are with you.
Challenge yourself to build a relationship with yourself, to do things with you that you normally always do with others, and to realize that if you are truly with you, you’ll never need a man to feel complete.

Choosing Me Before We will be released on February 13th, which is Madly In Love With Me Day, a day created by Arylo where women can celebrate loving themselves. Learn more about both and start your transformation today at

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Aurora MedinaMiriamLone MørchRich Recent comment authors
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Great questions to ask in this article. Thanks! I’m going to share this with my daughters.

Lone Mørch

Fantastic Message. Who would have know self-love takes diligence and continuous commitment! Thanks for saying it as it is and inspiring us women to take a good look at ourselves and inviting us to steer the boat of our lives, before we invite someone to share the ride with us. We do have choices. We can have what we want. Cheers to that!


She’s totally right on. You have to be your own BFF.

Aurora Medina

A great book for women of all ages.
We need this material. It is about time
we focus on ourselves.